if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
