If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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