He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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