and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize