it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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