walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
