How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
