Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
nutella sex= disaster
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
