I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BRING THE BAGELS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
