he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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