I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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