He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
