Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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