so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
