Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
