To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
