I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize