so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
