oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
