The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They have beer where we have blood.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
