So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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