I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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