The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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