My underwear smells like fireworks.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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