Just fell off a train. Bad.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
