I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
