On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We were destined to go to rehab together
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize