He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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