y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
