Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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