This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
