so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
