you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
