my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
