What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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