when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
