Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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