Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize