I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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