But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
