Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
