i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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