i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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