everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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