it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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