Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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