Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize