Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
