I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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