I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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