The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize