Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
