Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
