Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
