you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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