Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
