Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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